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Practical Christianity:  East of Eden Part 9 — Singleness Is Not a Holding Pattern

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Don

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Practical Christianity:  East of Eden Part 9 — Singleness Is Not a Holding Pattern

(Part 9 of 12)

⚓ Floatie:  Relational by Design, Not Married by Mandate

1 Corinthians 7:7–8  (7)It was not because you were more in number than any other people that the Lord set his love on you and chose you, for you were the fewest of all peoples, (8)but it is because the Lord loves you and is keeping the oath that he swore to your fathers, that the Lord has brought you out with a mighty hand and redeemed you from the house of slavery, from the hand of Pharaoh king of Egypt.(ESV)

Scripture affirms two truths at the same time—without apology.

  • Human beings are designed for relationship.
  • Not every human being is designed for marriage.

Those truths are often confused, collapsed, or weaponized.  When they are, singleness becomes framed as delay, deficiency, or unfinished obedience.  Scripture doesn’t support that framing.

✒️ Forge:  Why We Misunderstand Singleness

“Not Good to Be Alone” Is About Communion, Not Contracts

Genesis 2 speaks to relational need, not marital destiny.  The problem God identifies is isolation, not singleness.  Relationship is essential.  Marriage is optional.

Scripture consistently affirms deep, covenantal relationship outside of marriage:

  • David and Jonathan
  • Ruth and Naomi
  • Jesus and His disciples
  • Paul and the churches he shepherded

To equate marriage with relational obedience is to misread Scripture.

Paul Does Not Treat Singleness as Inferior

Paul speaks of singleness not as a consolation prize, but as a calling that carries unique freedom and responsibility (1 Corinthians 7).

Singleness:

  • Is not a waiting room
  • Is not a punishment
  • Is not a lesser form of obedience

It is a distinct covenant path, accountable to God in its own right.

Why Singleness Feels Like a Delay in the Church

Cultural pressure—not Scripture—often assigns marriage as the marker of adulthood, maturity, or blessing.

This produces quiet harm:

  • Singles feel invisible
  • Married people feel superior
  • Community narrows around nuclear families

Scripture never builds the people of God around marriage status.  It builds them around shared faithfulness.

⚒️ Anvil:  Living Covenant Faithfully While Single

Singleness Is Still Covenant Ground

Singleness doesn’t remove a person from covenant formation.

Faithfulness still includes:

  • Sexual integrity
  • Emotional honesty
  • Relational investment
  • Accountability

The difference is not whether covenant applies—but how it is lived.

Why Some Remain Single After Betrayal

This must be named gently because some never healed after being betrayed.  This does not make them less than.  It simply means that they are not healed.  Yet.

Some singleness is chosen freely.  Some singleness emerges from injury.

Scripture doesn’t demand that those who were wounded must re-enter vulnerability to prove faith.  Healing is not a race.  Hope cannot be coerced.

God works faithfully inside lives that took different paths because of pain (Isaiah 54; Psalm 34).

Singleness Without Bitterness Is Not the Same as Singleness Without Desire

A person can desire marriage and still live faithfully without it.  Scripture honors that tension.  It doesn’t resolve it prematurely.

Obedience doesn’t require pretending desire doesn’t exist.  It requires refusing to let desire become entitlement.

🔥 Ember:  Faithfulness Without a Timeline

One of the hardest spiritual disciplines is learning to obey God without knowing what the future holds.  Singleness teaches this discipline well.

It strips away:

  • Comparison
  • Assumptions
  • External validation

And forces a deeper question:  Is God enough even if the outcome never changes?

That question is not unique to singles.  But singles face it without the buffer of a spouse.

🌿 Covenant Triumph:  Belonging Is Not Deferred

The Church is not meant to be a collection of married units with singles orbiting on the edges.  It is meant to be a family of covenant faithfulness, where belonging is not postponed until marital status changes.

Singleness is not preparation for real life.  It is real life.  And it, too, points beyond itself—to a future where no one is lonely, incomplete, or overlooked.

[⚓ Floatie] [✒️ Forge] [⚒️ Anvil] [🔥 Ember] [🌿 Covenant Triumph]
This post follows the Forge Baseline Rule—layered truth for the discerning remnant.

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2 responses to “Practical Christianity:  East of Eden Part 9 — Singleness Is Not a Holding Pattern”

  1. RW - Disciple of Yahshua Avatar
    RW – Disciple of Yahshua

    Too many times the inferiority of being single is portraited in the body of Messiah. It is also overflowed into work lives, ex. (singles being required to work inconvenient shifts because they have no family to go home to or some other ridiculous reason that was given).

    I’ve been on both sides of this coin and wasn’t a fan either way, although I’ll admit I certainly didn’t offer up to work the inconvenient shifts when I was married with children, anymore than I had to, in order to accomplish a goal (so, I guess I contributed to the problem).

    I’ve been guilty of this with my son as well, but for different reasons. As you’ve stated, the covenant relationship part of it is one thing, but for me with my son, it is from a different perspective. I know how much I grew up (had to) when I got married and had children. Some people need this in order to grow up. I am one of those. I fear my son is as well, but to be honest, I’d just be happy if he could find purpose and meaning in his life through obedience to Messiah.

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  2. Don Avatar
    Don

    Absolutely. I was one of those who didn’t grow up until after I got married. My wife and oldest kid paid the price for that. I was not good at being single and even worse at being married. It took years and a lot of grace to get where I’m at today. Looking at the progress honestly forces me to admit that I’m only inches from where I started.

    There have been many periods in time where being single was almost viewed as a disease. If you didn’t want to get married or weren’t ready for that commitment then you were viewed as flawed or broken. This caused a lot of people to get married just to avoid the social stigma that came with the single state. It forced people to jump into a relationship for the wrong reasons or before they were ready. You’re absolutely right about the abuse that comes with being single. They are often the ones who are nearly forced to work the extra shifts or cover when people call in sick because “they don’t have a life”.

    I’ve been encouraging my kids to get married when they are ready. I don’t want them to rush into it, but I don’t want them to let fear hold them back. They are introverts like both of their parents so the socialization aspect of life is a bit lacking. We’re working on that, but I also don’t want to pressure them to make rash decisions. We have been a lot more focused on getting them into church and building their own relationships with God. It’s a painful process, but we are slowly seeing results.

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