Walking With Christ

, ,

Practical Christianity:  The Unmade Self Part 4 — Navigating the Ruins

Published by

Don

on

Practical Christianity:  The Unmade Self Part 4 — Navigating the Ruins

(Part 4 of 7)

⚓Floatie:  The Remains That Could Not Be Destroyed

Jeremiah 1:5  “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations.”(ESV)

When identity breaks, you expect emptiness.  You expect nothingness.  You expect the collapse to expose a void.  But that is not what I found.

Beneath the fractured memories, beneath the emotional disconnection, beneath the relational confusion, something survived — something untouched, undamaged, unreachable by trauma.

Something God Himself had woven before I ever had a name.

This message is not about what I lost.  It is about what could not be taken.

✒️ Forge:  Identity Is Not Built — It Is Breathed

Genesis 2:7  then the Lord God formed the man of dust from the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living creature.(ESV)

John 1:4  In him was life, and the life was the light of men.(ESV)

We assume identity is a product of:

  • memory,
  • personality,
  • upbringing,
  • culture,
  • trauma,
  • achievement,
  • relationships.

But Scripture argues something far more profound:  Identity begins with breath, not biography.

Before your first memory, before your first wound, before your first sin, before your first triumph…God breathed into you the essence that makes you you.

That essence is not learned.  It is not developed.  It is not a result of nature or nurture.

It is given.

Identity is not something we acquire.  Identity is something we uncover.  And often, the uncovering comes only after the unmaking.

⚒️ Anvil:  What Trauma Cannot Touch

2 Corinthians 4:7–9  (7)But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us.  (8)We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair;  (9)persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed;(ESV)

During the years of broken identity, I discovered something strange:

Certain traits remained constant even when nothing else did.

  • My need to understand.
  • My compulsion to evaluate truth.
  • My drive to protect.
  • My instinct to analyze.
  • My capacity for loyalty.
  • My ability to reason even under fear.
  • My unwillingness to accept easy answers.
  • My hunger for meaning.

None of these were learned behaviors.  None depended on memory.  None came from upbringing.  None required emotional continuity.

They were embedded.

Even when every external structure failed, these qualities surfaced like bedrock exposed after an earthquake.  This is the anvil truth:  Trauma can shatter roles, emotions, memories, attachments, and meaning — but trauma cannot shatter what God Himself breathed into you.

Identity sourced in God is indestructible.

🔥 Ember:  The Spark Under the Rubble

Proverbs 20:27  The spirit of man is the lamp of the Lord, searching all his innermost parts.(ESV)

Even when I didn’t know myself, God’s design still operated through me.  The “me beneath me” did not disappear.  It simply operated without the scaffolding I once relied on.

I was curious without remembering why.  I was analytical without remembering learning to be.  I had integrity without recalling the experiences that shaped it.  I honored truth without remembering what truth had cost me.  I protected people whose stories I could not recall.  I lived the evidence of a self I could not access.

That is identity.  Not memory.  Not preference.  Not emotion.

Identity is the spark that burns under the rubble when the house collapses.  It is the breath of God operating even when the mind cannot.  When the mind goes dark, the spirit remembers.

🌿 Covenant Triumph:  You Cannot Lose What God Authored

Romans 11:29  For the gifts and the calling of God are irrevocable.(ESV)

Psalm 33:11  The counsel of the Lord stands forever, the plans of his heart to all generations.(ESV)

Take this with you today:  Identity is not something you build.  Identity is something God refuses to let you lose.

You can forget your past.  You can lose your roles.  You can misplace your attachments.  You can break emotionally.  You can disassociate from your own story.  You can collapse under trauma.

But the essence God wove into you cannot be—

  • erased,
  • rewritten,
  • overwritten by fear,
  • destroyed by pain,
  • stolen by the enemy,
  • nullified by memory loss,
  • undone by sin,
  • fractured by the world.

Identity is not fragile.  Identity is eternal because its source is eternal.  The enemy can shake everything that depends on you.  He cannot shake what depends on God.

The Practice of Obedience:  Name What Survived

Today, the obedience is about excavation — uncovering what God preserved in you that life could not destroy.

1. Physical Act:  Write Down Three Things About Yourself That Have Never Changed

Not roles.  Not feelings.  Not habits.

Look for traits that survived:

  • difficulty
  • seasons
  • trauma
  • age
  • emotional drift
  • spiritual dryness
  • relational change

These are clues to the God-authored self.

2. Relational Act:  Ask Someone Close What They’ve Always Noticed About You

Say:  “I’m trying to understand what God put in me that hasn’t changed.  What do you see?”  Listen without deflecting.  Identity grows when truth is witnessed.

3. Spiritual Act:  Ask God Directly:  “What Part of Me Did You Breathe Into Me?”

Sit in silence.  Write the first conviction that arises.  Don’t judge it.  Don’t edit it.  Receive it.  Identity is revealed, not constructed.

[⚓ Floatie] [✒️ Forge] [⚒️ Anvil] [🔥 Ember] [🌿 Covenant Triumph]
This post follows the Forge Baseline Rule—layered truth for the discerning remnant.

, , , , , , , , , , , , ,

11 responses to “Practical Christianity:  The Unmade Self Part 4 — Navigating the Ruins”

  1. cleaners4seniors Avatar
    cleaners4seniors

    Greetings !
    So here goes, Im stopping at this point.
    “My need to understand.
    My compulsion to evaluate truth.
    My drive to protect.
    My instinct to analyze.
    My capacity for loyalty.
    My ability to reason even under fear.
    My unwillingness to accept easy answers.
    My hunger for meaning.
    None of these were learned behaviors.”

    Why are these traits not learned? How do we know?
    And
    Please, can you explain what you mean by ’embedded’ ?

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
    1. Don Avatar
      Don

      Thanks for the question. This is actually not an easy thing for most people to answer simply because they won’t ever experience the kind of reset that I did. To be perfectly clear, most of this can be learned. People can learn just about any trait. I had the unusual experience of being able to clearly see those things that were triggered by an underlying memory and those things that weren’t.

      When I say embedded I’m saying that those were a part of the created me. I think that several of these traits are either there when we are created or have to be learned. I think that every person is born/created with a set of inborn traits while they still have to learn some others. The traits you are born with help you. The traits you have to learn are a part of that path of growth for that person.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
      1. cleaners4seniors Avatar
        cleaners4seniors

        In that case , would probably assume it is both. And since we are all individually unique being a part of the whole (body), included would be our gifts & talents.
        In addition, being born this/that way, could explain why some gay people claim they are born that way. And some people believe.. it is a learned behavior. (Sexual seduction).
        In addition, why some people learn nothing at home or in a formal school institution. They are born that way . Kind of like being good at math or having a specific IQ.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Don Avatar
        Don

        That’s exactly right. The best and worst part about being human is that we are really flexible. We can be almost entirely rebuilt. Each person will have certain traits that they will never be able to unlearn because those are a part of them from creation. Other traits can be learned along the way. A perfect example of this would be my logical abilities. I’m not inherently a logical person. I think in the abstract. Yet I’m a logic worker. I write computer software for a living, which is something purely logical. It works for me because the logical structures give my abstract brain a more rigid structure. It’s almost like tomato vines growing along a trellis. It’s also why I struggled with math so much in school.

        The only thing that I can say with a fair degree of certainty is that none of the traits we are born with are meant for harm. They are never meant to hurt us. They might seem like a hinderance in a certain light but I think that’s only because we don’t understand the purpose for them or how to use them.

        I do think that it is almost vital for every person to do regular and brutally honest trait reviews of themselves. They should also have a trusted friend who can help them to see the traits that we have but can’t see. This is part of the layered person. There is the layer we show the world (the masks we wear). There is the layer that we believe is the true us. There is the layer that we don’t see but others do. Then there is the layer that only God sees. When the mask we wear disappears and the version of us that we show the world is exactly the same as the one we believe is the true us then our next goal has to be to reconcile that version with the version that only others see. This can be the hard part since we can’t see it. It requires trust in the person/people who are telling us these things. Keep in mind that this doesn’t mean that they are correct in their assessment. It just means that they see things that we can’t. If we trust them then we have to consider the possibility that there is some truth to what they say.

        I love this part of the conversation. Discussing the nuance of who we are and why. It’s unique per person, but there is so much commonality that it’s easy to learn something new even if it doesn’t directly apply to us. For example, seeing the commonality between certain traits in a person and certain types of experiences. It’s not always a guarantee that A = B, but there is a pattern that’s fairly reliable.

        Like

      3. cleaners4seniors Avatar
        cleaners4seniors

        I will not ask anyone their opinion.
        I already know their thoughts on who I am. They are quick to point out how ‘ they want me’.
        Anyone I trusted has already passed away.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Don Avatar
        Don

        I totally understand that. It’s hard to find people you can trust these days. I never ask for opinions about me. The ones who are most willing to give their opinion want to tear me down. The ones who might give an honest opinion will get filtered out because of my own personal imposter syndrome refusing to hear anything positive about me. It just gets blocked. I’m quick to take in the negative. I think a lot of people are like that.

        One issue that I tend to have when having discussions about this type of thing is that I usually only have them in service of deepening the relationship with the other person. I ask questions so that I can communicate more clearly with the other person. I also prefer to communicate with those people who seem to want to communicate clearly. The ones who always seem to have hidden motives cause irritation because I can’t build trust with them. I don’t want to waste my time pouring resources into a relationship that can’t be trusted.

        Here’s a perfect example. This blog. My conversations with you and RW. I know that I don’t always state things in the way that is easiest for people to understand. There has been absolutely no evidence in chatting with the two of you that would suggest that you want anything other than clear communication. This builds trust and means that the conversations are worth whatever effort is required to gain that understanding. With that trust, barriers begin to fall. We begin to relate to each other in different terms. We no longer speak as if we were strangers in a business transaction. We share tidbits about ourselves, our preferences, our histories (testimonies) and compare notes. It’s not to say that one is better or worse. It’s not to tear one or the other down. It’s to gain common understanding. That is the common bond. I enjoy these conversations. I get a lot out of them. To God goes the glory, I’ve been so encouraged by these conversations because I know that I’m not the only one with these questions and struggles. The fact that some of what I share resonates with people, even if it’s a sympathetic thing because of similar experiences, it let’s me know that I’m not alone. For that, I thank you both.

        Liked by 1 person

      5. cleaners4seniors Avatar
        cleaners4seniors

        Agree Im trusting you because you are the teacher (to me). I dont know who is DW… he/she ? Comments periodically and we read everything here (I think).
        This is good. I try to be brief with my content. But overall these series are plenty for me.
        God already revealed to me my weakness when I was scammed.
        That experience was filled with emotions. It started good but ended sad. Im recovered now and bounced back. However, emotions that are my problem go beyond that experience. I see clarity through this , along with other key factors.
        It’s gone deeper than I imagined.
        With that being said , Im full of things to examine. Plus learning new things about myself. Keeping a steady healthy balance is my goal.
        Im content working on what I dont understand here as well.
        Not looking to dig up anything before it’s time.
        Same thing I tell my Dr. I have worked hard on prevention doc… we are not going exploring 🧐

        Liked by 1 person

      6. Don Avatar
        Don

        Yeah, RW is the other person who responds here.

        You said something extremely important there. “Before it’s time”. When God wants you to change something He will show it to you and He will help you through it. The seed for that might have been planted years ago, but it can’t grow until the appointed time. One of the best metaphors I’ve heard about this journey is comparing the Holy Spirit to the GPS in your car. God picked the destination. The Holy Spirit is the voice giving you instructions. You can choose to ignore that voice and go your own way, but it will always recalculate the best path based on where you are. The GPS will keep recalculating until you arrive at your destination. It doesn’t matter how many wrong turns you make. It doesn’t matter if you go the complete opposite direction. That voice will always be there to give you the best route to your destination. It might not be straight. There might be the occasional detour scheduled. It always has the best possible route.

        The problem is that we can turn that voice down so far that we can’t hear it. We can make other stuff so loud that we can’t hear it. We can get distracted by other things going on around us and miss what that voice says. It’s ok. It just means that there will be a little detour to get back on track.

        Now, as far as trusting me as a teacher…

        I beg you with every fiber of my being to limit that trust for your own protection. It’s not that I would intentionally steer you wrong. I’m human. Examine everything I say and weigh it against scripture. If I say something that doesn’t line up with scripture then I need to be called out on it. I’m not perfect. Only a fool or Jesus could make that claim, and only one of those is right. I read the bible, but like so many others, I have my own internal biases that I’m working to limit.

        Your trust in me as a teacher requires that I trust in you to call me out when something doesn’t make sense. This is what it means for iron to sharpen iron. I learn from you just as much (probably more) than you learn from me. Don’t ever let me claim to be any kind of authority.

        Liked by 1 person

      7. cleaners4seniors Avatar
        cleaners4seniors

        I do ask plenty of q questions. I say teacher because you are leading this series of study here. You have been transparent and invested plenty of time here. Everyday people just do not do that.
        I substitute taught in my sons private school, I helped tutor at first to offset tuition. Headmaster trained me for teaching which led to a paying position as substitute fill in.
        He put his trust in me as I learned to live by faith. (Had no backing or support enrolling my son at first)
        I learned alot during that time through my teaching experience.
        Along with applying faith to everything in my life!
        So yes, I call you teacher . And RW (not DW) sorry about that 🤭

        The other day I was thinking about sin.
        Our lust leads to temptation to sin.
        That is self indused. I call these defects, which ruin character.
        They obviously need to go always pretty immediately.
        Next
        Sin of others, which caused defects. Come up periodically.
        The bad fruit that these defects (both), is where the guilt or shame lives. This is Gods place. He saved us and will work on our hearts. His ways are not like anything we can imagine…. He makes it happen. Period.
        Ultimately, it is our ‘ Relationship’
        With Jesus (not religion), why this is an ongoing lifestyle.

        Back to my thinking on ‘sin’
        No one likes this word . Which is why Jesus (relationship), is avoided .
        Why pastors wont preach it. Why the ways of the world have eliminated it.
        We have consequences
        We have reaping/sowing
        We have cause and effect
        We have lusting for /loving

        So now putting our identity into this mix. Old me/new me. Born this way or becoming that.
        Who’s at fault? Genetics? Parents? Others? Satan? Or sin.

        ✝️

        Liked by 1 person

      8. Don Avatar
        Don

        Now that is the real question. In John 9 we see Jesus and the disciples walking by a man who was blind from birth. The culture at the time assumed that sin was always the direct cause for any illness or ailment. If you weren’t in perfect health then there was some hidden sin in your life or in the lives of your family. It was around you, in you, near you and not dealt with. In verse 3 the disciples asked who had sinned that had caused the man to be born blind. Jesus answered that it wasn’t a sin problem for this man. Yes, sin in the world is the cause for every problem on earth, but we rarely see the direct consequences of our own sins. In the Navy they taught that my mistake usually wouldn’t cost me. It would get my shipmate killed. So, anytime one of us screwed up, someone else usually had to do the pushups. That was an extremely effective lesson that I never forgot. (Full disclosure, I was diagnosed with asthma in boot camp and sent home with a medical discharge the same day my division graduated.)

        There are cases where we do actually see the direct consequences of our actions. I would say that the vast majority of sins are not like that. There might be hundreds of sins committed before there is ever any fruit from it. It can take a lifetime of bad habits and sin before we ever see any ill effect. Smoking is actually a good example. One person can smoke for decades and not have an issue. A person who lives with them can get lung cancer because of it. One person can drink like a fish most of their life. They might not directly ever see the consequences of that. Their kids? Their family and friends? Their job?

        Remember that sin is ultimately about alignment. Anything that is not aligned with God’s perfect will (and ultimately the original design) is sin. If we say something that we know is not true then that is a sin. If we say something that is wrong but don’t know it’s wrong then it probably isn’t a sin. Being wrong isn’t a sin. Refusing to admit to being wrong when shown to be is probably a sin.

        For me, the hardest part is that the human mind has degrees of sin. A white lie (“I’m fine.”) isn’t a big deal. Murder is a huge sin. God doesn’t draw any distinction between them. If you lie, even a little white lie, then you’ve stolen truth from the other person. To steal truth from someone is to hate them (because you don’t love them enough to tell them the truth). To hate them is to murder them. There is a tie between all ten commandments. If you break one then you’ve broken them all. Every sin breaks one of the commandments. Which is to say that every sin breaks every single one of the ten commandments every single time.

        Let that weigh on you for a moment. Then balance that pain with the love of Jesus who went to the cross to take that weight from you. He did it out of love. Love for you that you are not truly capable of giving yourself. And He would have gone to that cross to bare that burden even if you were the only person in the history of all creation who would ever accept His invitation. He loves you that much. How can I love you any different? How can I disrespect someone He loved enough to die for? How can I ignore someone He saw as being that valuable? Why is it so easy to refuse that the person in the mirror is just as valuable?

        Side trail for a moment. You mentioned pastors not talking about sin. There are so many pastors who won’t talk about anything uncomfortable. They won’t rock the boat. They won’t call out behaviors that are sinful and wrong. Why? Because the people who give the most are the ones who enjoy those sins the most. They might stop giving or take that money somewhere else if they were made to feel uncomfortable. They come seeking validation of their life, their choices, their lifestyle, etc. and are willing to pay to hear what they want to hear. This has caused the theology of a lot of churches, large and small, to become so hollowed out that it’s useless. The theology in most churches today is devoid of spiritual nutrition. We need meat but they aren’t even giving the milk toast. The stuff being taught doesn’t challenge the people listening.

        This is why I’m trying so hard to get back to the first century understanding of what the disciples knew. I’m trying to steep myself in their way of thinking. The culture, the history, the languages, and more. It all plays a part in creating the world view that drove and informed much of what we read in the bible. There are so many sections that have to be read through a first century lens to even begin to understand the actual depth of what was written. The loss of context is painful. It would be like going back in time and talking about the Mets winning the world series. They would have no context what that was so they would just nod and move on. To them it might seem like a casual mention, but to a Mets fan (not one myself) it would be massive news.

        Liked by 1 person

      9. cleaners4seniors Avatar
        cleaners4seniors

        Ahh
        A ‘real question’ 🙌

        Good read !
        Exactly why
        You
        Are
        A
        Teacher
        👨‍🏫

        Liked by 1 person

Leave a comment

Hello,

Who am I?

I’ve walked a path I didn’t ask for, guided by a God I can’t ignore. I don’t wear titles well—writer, teacher, leader—they fit like borrowed armor. But I know this: I’ve bled truth onto a page, challenged what I was told to swallow, and led only because I refused to follow where I couldn’t see Christ.

I don’t see greatness in the mirror. I see someone ordinary, shaped by pain and made resilient through it. I’m not above anyone. I’m not below anyone. I’m just trying to live what I believe and document the war inside so others know they aren’t alone.

If you’re looking for polished answers, you won’t find them here.
But if you’re looking for honesty, tension, paradox, and a relentless pursuit of truth,
you’re in the right place.

If you’re unsure of what path to follow or disillusioned with the world today and are willing to walk with me along this path I follow, you’ll never be alone. Everyone is welcome and invited to participate as much as they feel comfortable with.

Now, welcome home. I’m Don.

Let’s connect

Join the journey!

Stay updated with our latest posts by joining our newsletter.

Recent posts

Posts