Walking With Christ

Forgiveness and Restoration, Part 1:  The Foundation of Reconciliation

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Don

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Forgiveness and Restoration, Part 1:  The Foundation of Reconciliation

⚓ Floatie:  The Words We Confuse

Ephesians 4:31–32  (31)Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.  (32)Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.(ESV)

Modern Christianity treats forgiveness and restoration like synonyms.  They aren’t.  Forgiveness is vertical—it’s between you and God.  Restoration is horizontal—it’s between you and the other person.  One can exist without the other, but restoration can’t exist without forgiveness.

Forgiveness releases the debt.  Restoration rebuilds the trust.  Both are sacred, but they operate in different arenas of justice.

✒️ Forge:  The Justice of Mercy

Forgiveness is not pretending nothing happened.  It is acknowledging that something did—and choosing to let God handle its accounting.  In forgiveness, you surrender the right to vengeance.  In restoration, you rebuild what vengeance destroyed.

Jesus modeled both:  He forgave from the cross, but restoration didn’t occur until the resurrection.  The same man who said, “Father, forgive them,” also met Peter privately and rebuilt the bridge with, “Do you love me?”  The first canceled Peter’s debt.  The second restored his purpose.

Forgiveness heals the soul.  Restoration heals the relationship.  One is instantaneous; the other takes time.

⚒️ Anvil:  The Misuses of Forgiveness

Forgiveness has been weaponized in the modern Church to silence victims and protect abusers.  That isn’t grace—it’s corruption.  Scripture never commands blind reconciliation.  It commands forgiveness, which releases bitterness from the heart—not discernment from the mind.

Forgiveness never requires forgetting.  God Himself “remembers sins no more” not because He has amnesia, but because He refuses to use the memory against you.  That’s divine restraint, not divine deletion.

So the next time someone says, “If you really forgave me, you wouldn’t still hurt,” remember:  pain and bitterness are not the same thing.  One needs time; the other needs crucifixion.

🔥 Ember:  Forgiven to Forgive

We are never more like Christ than when we forgive.  And we are never more unlike Him than when we refuse.  But even forgiveness begins with grief.  You can’t forgive what you haven’t felt.  Pretending not to be hurt isn’t forgiveness—it’s denial.  God meets us in the honest wound, not the polished lie.

True forgiveness releases others to God and frees you from becoming what hurt you.

🌿 Covenant Triumph:  The Cross and the Bridge

Forgiveness is not weakness.  It is strength restrained by love.  It’s the weapon that rebuilt Eden’s gate.  When Christ said, “It is finished,” He wasn’t dismissing the pain—He was transforming it into access.  That same access is what makes restoration possible.

You can forgive without reconciliation, but you can’t reconcile without forgiveness.  Forgiveness is the gate.  Restoration is the walk through it.

[⚓ Floatie] [✒️ Forge] [⚒️ Anvil] [🔥 Ember] [🌿 Covenant Triumph]
This post follows the Forge Baseline Rule—layered truth for the discerning remnant.

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14 responses to “Forgiveness and Restoration, Part 1:  The Foundation of Reconciliation”

  1. cleaners4seniors Avatar
    cleaners4seniors

    How do you forgive when the person (s), have never acknowledged their offense ?
    Is it wise to avoid contact with repeated offenders after continued attempts to interact and trust over and over?
    Wishing no harm or vengeance against them and praying (letting go) … seems ok with me.
    Am I in error?

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Don Avatar
      Don

      This turned into a longer response than I first thought. I’ll probably make a third post in this series to go deeper into this particular part. I find the lack of practical answers on this question to be a bit disturbing. Forgiveness, faith, love, repentance, fellowship, discipleship, and a few other topics are foundational to a healthy Christian walk, yet we spend so little time exploring the nuance of each.

      Initial response:
      You’re not wrong at all. In fact, I’d say you’re standing on the right side of forgiveness.

      Forgiveness doesn’t require acknowledgment from the offender (them). It requires release from the offended (you). Forgiveness is between you and God, not you and them. It’s the decision to take their debt off your books and hand it to Heaven’s accountant. Whether they ever confess or even understand what they did—that’s their ledger, not yours.

      But forgiveness and reconciliation are two different things. Reconciliation requires participation from both sides. Without repentance and honesty, restoration isn’t just impossible—it’s unsafe. Jesus forgave from the cross before anyone repented, but He didn’t restore everyone. Some people walked away from Him unchanged.

      So yes—avoiding contact with repeated offenders after sincere attempts is wise, not bitter. Scripture tells us: Romans 12:18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.
      The “if possible” is important. Some people make peace impossible. When that’s the case, distance becomes obedience, not disobedience.

      Your heart posture—no malice, no vengeance, still praying for them—is the posture of true forgiveness. You’ve released them to God’s justice and chosen peace over poison. That’s the kind of forgiveness Heaven recognizes.

      Forgiveness frees you from their control. Boundaries protect the grace that freedom gave you. I think you can rest easy on this one because you’re walking this correctly.

      Now, to the deeper and far more difficult part of your question. How does one forgive? And how do you know that you are forgiving?
      1. Start with the truth: Forgiveness is not a feeling.
      Like love, forgiveness is a decision before it’s a transformation. You don’t wait until you feel forgiving—you choose to release the debt and let God begin changing your heart over time. If you wait for emotion, it never comes. Forgiveness begins as obedience; emotion catches up later.

      It’s not emotional anesthesia. It’s a covenant act: “Father, I choose to release this debt into Your hands because I trust Your justice more than my own.”

      2. Name the offense without excusing it.
      True forgiveness begins with honest inventory. You can’t forgive what you won’t name. This is where many get stuck. They rush to “I forgive” before admitting the depth of the wound. You have to say it plainly: “They lied/betrayed me/abandoned me.”

      Confession is part of forgiveness—not just for sin, but for pain. When you name the offense, you stop minimizing it and start externalizing it. That’s when healing begins.

      3. Acknowledge what died.
      Every wound costs something—trust, safety, time, innocence, relationship, opportunity. Grieve that loss. Without grief, forgiveness becomes repression, not release.

      Even God’s forgiveness cost blood. Forgiveness always costs something. Pretending it didn’t cost you anything cheapens it. When you grieve what was taken, you give that space to God for resurrection instead of resentment.

      4. Choose the transfer.
      Here’s the true act of forgiveness: You move the case from your courtroom to God’s. You say, “This case is too big for me. I recuse myself. The Judge of all the earth will do what is right.”

      That’s not weakness—it’s authority. You’re asserting that divine justice is stronger than personal vengeance. It’s a legal exchange in Heaven’s court. Your peace is the receipt.

      5. Bless without re-entering bondage.
      Jesus said, “Bless those who curse you.” That doesn’t mean reconcile with those who curse you. It means refuse to mirror their evil. Pray for their awakening, not their success in sin. You can bless from a distance. Forgiveness doesn’t mean access—it means release.

      You can forgive someone and never let them near you again. That’s not bitterness—it’s discernment.

      6. Let time and the spirit complete the work.
      Forgiveness is often repeated. You may forgive today and feel the pain again tomorrow. Repeat those two sentences until they are carved into your heart. That doesn’t mean you failed—it means the Spirit is peeling back deeper layers of the wound. Keep surrendering each layer as it surfaces.

      When Jesus said we must forgive “seventy times seven,” He wasn’t talking about different offenses; He was talking about the same wound revisited until it no longer controls you. Forgiveness is not one act—it’s a posture. Every time the memory rises, you return to the altar and say again, “I’ve already released this.”

      I can tell you from personal experience that each new layer may bring a new kind of pain. It may bring revelations to the surface that cause fresh wounds of their own. What devastates one person might barely sting another, and vice versa. There’s never room to judge what hurts someone else. How we respond, how we move forward, and what we demand of others during the process—that’s the fruit of our posture.

      7. Evidence that forgiveness is taking root.
      You know forgiveness has taken hold when:

        You can remember the event without reliving the emotion.
        You stop rehearsing your defense to imaginary conversations. I get stuck here a lot.
        You genuinely desire their repentance more than their ruin.

      Forgiveness doesn’t erase memory—it removes poison.

      8. The final test: Can you see them as redeemable?
      You’re never required to trust them again, but you are called to see them as someone God could redeem. That’s how you know forgiveness has moved from duty to transformation. You start to see them through God’s eyes, not yours. That’s the miracle.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
      1. cleaners4seniors Avatar
        cleaners4seniors

        Wow I understand everything you wrote. This is more helpful than you know because every time someone causes conflict, Im asking myself these same questions. Praying for the right response, ability to move forward and mostly keep quiet 🤐.
        Plus, examining myself to see my part (fault) within the matter.
        This is not easy, takes work , is very emotional but God is always faithful without doubt.
        I thank you so much, appreciate your input , the time you give to the Lord.. is a gift and a blessing.
        He is glorified 🙌

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Don Avatar
        Don

        This is a topic that I’ve personally struggled with for decades. I’ve seen the absolute best and worst that humanity has to offer. I understand the loss of innocence and the deep trauma that it can cause. I’ve struggled to understand the reasons for many things. The best conclusion that I can come up with is that hurt people hurt people. We’ve all been hurt by others. Whether it was intentional(malice) or accidental(ignorance/selfishness/pride/etc.) tends to be the only question. In most cases, I see the hurt as accidental. I don’t think that most people truly want to hurt others. They most often want to make others feel what they feel, or they are simply trying not to feel what they feel. It’s not always easy to know why people do the things they do, but I usually prefer to attribute it them dealing with past trauma. It’s hard to know whether they are aware of the trauma or just living in an adapted state.

        Like

      3. cleaners4seniors Avatar
        cleaners4seniors

        Thats the part I cant apply with knowledge. (Hurt people hurt people)
        I am not aware I hurt others unless by my lack of trust and keeping my wall up …

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Don Avatar
        Don

        Remember that it isn’t your job to know if you hurt other people. They have to tell you. If they don’t tell you then they aren’t letting you try to reconcile. It’s true that keeping (unhealthy) walls up can cause harm, but that’s more of preventing potential future fruit. We have to have some kind of barriers with other people. We can’t simply trust every person we meet. We build relationships that allow us to slowly remove bits of our walls. Even with married couples, this can take time. There may be parts of you that you never show to anyone but God. There may be parts of you that you try in vain to keep from God. He sees them and knows all about them, but His love for us allows us to have those barriers even with Him.

        I don’t trust every person the same way. I do build trust with every person in the same way. I extend a little trust and open communication. I filter everything they say to see who they are. How they respond (what they say and how they say it) tells me a lot about who a person is and what their motivations are. Each relationship is unique and flows organically from this foundation.

        My responsibility is to have enough faith and trust to begin the conversation. After that it’s a question of whether my time is better spent on other priorities. That’s not being mean. It’s respecting higher priorities and prior obligations. I’m open and very transparent about what those are. God, my wife, my kids. In that order. Everything is negotiable after that.

        Liked by 1 person

      5. cleaners4seniors Avatar
        cleaners4seniors

        Amen
        Thank you 🙏

        Liked by 1 person

      6. Don Avatar
        Don

        I have spent quite a bit of time in recent years examining how I respond to my wife and kids. They are the people I love most in this world. I would never intentionally do or say anything to hurt them. I would never intentionally not do or not say things if not doing or saying would cause them harm. I’m becoming more aware of how I respond to them when I’m tired, hurting, stressed, hungry, etc. I know that I’m prone to impatience. I really struggle with that department.

        Liked by 1 person

      7. cleaners4seniors Avatar
        cleaners4seniors

        Why Im careful not to take much of your time.
        Im never married. Not sure I can ever be. My son is grown. My family out if state which is a good thing.
        Im in healthcare. Caregiver/CNA .. worn out but love my work.
        Im very patient until, Im not!
        I will pray for you. 🙏

        Liked by 1 person

      8. Don Avatar
        Don

        I truly do appreciate your respect for my time. This topic and conversations like this are pretty high on my priority list. It’s one of the many parts of my calling that I actually enjoy.

        Side note, I was a CNA for about a year myself. I understand the drain it can be, but I also know exactly how rewarding it can be. Thank you for your prayers. I always need them. I’ll be praying for you as well.

        Liked by 1 person

      9. cleaners4seniors Avatar
        cleaners4seniors

        It is a calling because I sense sincerity and knowledge.
        Im a very grateful recipient, everything we have discussed, your response was spot on . Your understanding is a gift .
        You speak thoughtful and wise. In my opinion. Thats rare and unique.
        God is awesome

        Liked by 1 person

      10. Don Avatar
        Don

        Amen and to Him alone goes the glory.

        Liked by 1 person

      11. Don Avatar
        Don

        By the way, my friend, you should know that I learn as much from these conversations as you do. People often ask questions that I have not fully considered which means that I have to find the answer for myself before I can respond. This is truly what it means for iron to sharpen iron. We both walk away improved through the interaction.

        Liked by 1 person

      12. cleaners4seniors Avatar
        cleaners4seniors

        Awesome!

        Liked by 1 person

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Hello,

Who am I?

I’ve walked a path I didn’t ask for, guided by a God I can’t ignore. I don’t wear titles well—writer, teacher, leader—they fit like borrowed armor. But I know this: I’ve bled truth onto a page, challenged what I was told to swallow, and led only because I refused to follow where I couldn’t see Christ.

I don’t see greatness in the mirror. I see someone ordinary, shaped by pain and made resilient through it. I’m not above anyone. I’m not below anyone. I’m just trying to live what I believe and document the war inside so others know they aren’t alone.

If you’re looking for polished answers, you won’t find them here.
But if you’re looking for honesty, tension, paradox, and a relentless pursuit of truth,
you’re in the right place.

If you’re unsure of what path to follow or disillusioned with the world today and are willing to walk with me along this path I follow, you’ll never be alone. Everyone is welcome and invited to participate as much as they feel comfortable with.

Now, welcome home. I’m Don.

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