(Part 3 of 12)
⚓ Floatie: The Love We Were Trained to Expect
Malachi 2:14–16 (14)But you say, “Why does he not?” Because the Lord was witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. (15)Did he not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth. (16)“For the man who does not love his wife but divorces her, says the Lord, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, says the Lord of hosts. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and do not be faithless.”(ESV)
Most people enter relationships believing in love. Very few enter them understanding covenant.
Modern culture trains us—quietly and constantly—to treat relationships as exchanges. We stay as long as needs are met, feelings remain strong, and effort feels worthwhile. When those conditions fail, departure feels justified.
Scripture speaks about love very differently. Biblical marriage is not sustained by satisfaction. It’s sustained by promise.
That difference explains why so many relationships collapse under pressure—and why covenant feels unbearable to people who were trained as consumers.
✒️ Forge: Two Competing Definitions of Love
Consumer Love Is Transactional
Consumer love operates on a simple logic:
- I give as long as I receive.
- I stay as long as this benefits me.
- I reassess when the cost outweighs the reward.
This model isn’t inherently cruel. It works well for markets, services, and short-term agreements. It’s catastrophic for covenant.
Consumer love turns commitment into a performance review:
- Am I happy enough?
- Are my needs met consistently?
- Is this still worth it?
When the answer becomes “no,” exit feels reasonable.
Covenant Love Is Binding
Covenant love operates on a different logic entirely:
- I gave my word.
- I bound myself.
- I stay even when the cost rises.
Covenant doesn’t deny suffering. It absorbs it. This is why Scripture treats covenant-breaking as a spiritual issue, not merely a relational one (Malachi 2). Breaking covenant is not just leaving a person—it is violating a vow made before God.
Why Consumer Love Feels More Natural
After the fall, fear governs human relationships.
Consumer love feels safer because:
- It limits exposure
- It preserves autonomy
- It avoids irreversible loss
Covenant love feels dangerous because:
- It removes exits
- It binds identity
- It risks betrayal
That fear doesn’t mean covenant is wrong. It means covenant costs something fear doesn’t want to pay.
⚒️ Anvil: How Consumer Love Shows Up in Real Life
Dating Trains Us to Quit
Modern dating culture often teaches:
- Keep options open
- Leave when things get hard
- Protect yourself at all costs
Those instincts carry directly into marriage unless they are confronted. Many people enter marriage believing in covenant language while still operating with consumer instincts. That internal contradiction creates confusion and resentment.
Marriage Exposes the Difference Quickly
When conflict hits:
- Consumer love asks, “Why is this happening to me?”
- Covenant love asks, “What does faithfulness require now?”
Consumer love looks for leverage. Covenant love looks for endurance.
That doesn’t mean covenant ignores harm. It means covenant addresses harm without redefining commitment every time pain appears.
Why “Falling Out of Love” Is a Consumer Phrase
Scripture never treats love as something you fall into or out of. Biblical love is practiced, trained, and chosen (1 Corinthians 9; Ephesians 5). Feelings matter—but they were never meant to govern covenant.
🔥 Ember: Learning the Difference the Hard Way
I used to believe that loving someone well meant keeping things smooth. I was wrong.
What I eventually learned—through conflict, failure, and repentance—is that love reveals itself most clearly when it costs something.
Not in grand gestures. In staying present when leaving would be easier.
That lesson didn’t make marriage painless. It made it honest.
🌿 Covenant Triumph: Why Covenant Still Matters
Consumer love produces constant reassessment. Covenant love produces formation.
One asks, “Is this still working?” The other asks, “Who am I becoming through this?”
Marriage was never meant to be a contract for happiness. It was meant to be a training ground for faithfulness.
This is why covenant points beyond itself.
Human beings cannot sustain it perfectly—but Christ can. He doesn’t love conditionally. He doesn’t renegotiate under pressure. He doesn’t withdraw when betrayed.
Marriage doesn’t save us. It shows us why we need a Savior who keeps covenant when we cannot.
[⚓ Floatie] [✒️ Forge] [⚒️ Anvil] [🔥 Ember] [🌿 Covenant Triumph]
This post follows the Forge Baseline Rule—layered truth for the discerning remnant.
Walking With Christ 
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