Left Unasked, Part 2: The Debt You’re Afraid to Increase

Part 2 of “Left Unasked”

James 4:1-3
(1)What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? (2)You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. (3)You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions.(ESV)

Most of us were never taught how to ask. We were taught how to hint. How to imply. How to suffer quietly and hope someone else sees it. Because somewhere along the line, we learned this unspoken rule: Asking creates a debt.

If you bring up your need, you’re putting pressure on someone. You’re a burden. You owe something in return. So we trade vulnerability for performance, and hope that someone else will offer before we have to ask. It’s not just dysfunctional—it’s how we approach God, too.

Hinting Isn’t Trust—It’s Fear Wearing Disguise

In human relationships, we fear asking because:

It might make us look weak.
It might obligate us to return the favor.
It might be used against us later.

So instead of asking, we become passive manipulators. We stack context clues into conversations. We drop loaded statements and hope someone connects the dots. And if someone offers? Then we’re safe—because we didn’t “owe” them anything. That mindset bleeds into our theology.

We Pray Like We’re Negotiating, Not Belonging

We say, “God, I know You’re busy…” or “I don’t want to ask for too much…” but the Gospel doesn’t teach us to beg. It teaches us to approach. To come boldly. To ask—not because we’re worthy, but because He is good.

Matthew 7:7–8
(7)Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. (8)For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened.(ESV)

God isn’t a reluctant father. He’s a waiting one. The kind who wants to be asked. Not for His sake. For yours.

The Transactional Spirit Is a Lie

We fear asking because we’re still carrying the knowledge of good and evil—the corrupted lens from the Garden.

We think:

If I failed, I must earn my way back.
If I ask now, it means I didn’t do enough before.
If I cry out, I’ll owe even more later.

But the Cross didn’t add to your debt. It canceled it.

Colossians 2:13–14
(13)And you, who were dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made alive together with him, having forgiven us all our trespasses, (14)by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands. This he set aside, nailing it to the cross.(ESV)

God didn’t just erase the wrong—He erased the fear that keeps us from asking.

What Asking Actually Means

To ask is not to manipulate. To ask is not to beg. To ask is not to owe. To ask is to say:

“I trust You.”
“I believe You’re safe.”
“I believe You want me here, even with this mess.”

Hebrews 4:16
Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.(ESV)

You don’t insult God by asking. You honor Him.

Reflection Questions

Where have you been withholding your request because you’re afraid to owe God—or anyone?
What would it look like to bring your need to Him without trying to make it smaller first?
Have you confused asking with bargaining?

Next Post: The Gospel Satan Couldn’t See

Why the enemy couldn’t comprehend grace—and how that same blindness keeps us from receiving what’s already been given.

Walking With Christ