Walking With Christ

2 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.(ESV)

2 Corinthians 1:3-4
(3)Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, (4)who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.(ESV)

I had to sit with this one for a bit due to the complexity, sensitivity, and personal nature of the topic. I’ve never had this kind of experience before—reading something that sparked a trauma response from early childhood. It was as if I was back there again, but this time I carried with me the compressed weight of all the experiences since then that could be tied directly back to that period. It felt like someone hit a tuning fork in my head, and my whole body resonated with every vibration on more than just a physical level. Saying it hurt is an understatement.

I felt the helplessness of being too small to defend myself or fight back against the senseless violence. I felt the years of impotent rage squeezed through the eye of a needle, resting on the head of a matchstick, ready to ignite a fire that could consume me. I felt the shame of not being able to stop the harm done to the ones I loved. I felt guilt, knowing that I had it better than some. I felt the same confusion about the senselessness of it all.

It’s amazing how one season can define so much of a person’s life. Many of the years that followed were lived under the shadow of that brief period. I’ve come to terms with most of what happened back then, and I’ve learned to cope with those memories. I understand fully that those events do not determine any part of my life today because I now have the ability to choose differently. That period and the many failings since then gave me a much darker outlook on life because it robbed me of innocence long before it was time. Since then, I’ve experienced my second childhood where I indulged myself to the point of absurdity and then I was able to grow up on my own terms.

The emotions I experienced are common in many traumatic experiences. When we can’t understand why something is happening to us or a loved one, we often feel helpless. The simple truth is that without God’s love, mercy, and grace, we truly are helpless, regardless of the situation. It’s when we don’t feel helpless that we are most at risk of forgetting where our help comes from. The anger we feel at the unfairness of a situation isn’t unusual either. If we focus on the event and why it happened instead of on how God will use it for the glory of His kingdom, then we become powerless in the face of that anger. If we feel guilty for not being able to do anything to help, we are forgetting that we are supposed to cast all our cares and worries at the feet of the Father, who commands the very stars to shine.

Moments of clarity can be quite painful, but the peace that often follows only comes from God.

This message is for those who have experienced trauma and the ripple effects it can have on our lives. This message is for those who have ever felt powerless to help a loved one and have gone through the anger, guilt, and shame that usually follow. This message is for anyone who has caused trauma and has lived with the burden of regret. Life leaves scars, big and small, on nearly everyone. What leaves a deep scar on one person might barely be noticed by another and could even kill someone. The goal of life isn’t to get to the end with the fewest scars or to even to cross the finish line in one piece. No, the purpose of life is to learn to rely on our loving Father in all things as He leads us back to Him. These emotional patterns are normal, and each one of them is a call to turn to God, give the situation over to Him, and trust His plan above our own.

Philippians 1:6
And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.(ESV)

I see a pattern to my own scars that gives them purpose. Their depth gives them meaning beyond the pain. Survivors of many types of trauma almost instinctively respond to others who have experienced or are experiencing the same or similar events. This is one of the purposes behind living as a community in Christ. Such proximity, when we allow ourselves to be slightly vulnerable, can often help to break generational curses and the chains built with them. At the very least, the love of community can help victims and survivors to heal sooner with less long-term damage.

If you live with trauma, don’t hide the scars. Instead, let God use what the enemy intended for evil for the good of the kingdom. The power of testimony, even when we are right in the middle of it, can literally change lives.