Walking With Christ

I used to wonder why some things happened. I spent years studying human nature and the world around me in the hopes of finding a tangible reason for the events that shaped who I am. I hoped to understand the reason for the events so that maybe, just maybe, I could understand why I was the way I was.

I didn’t grow up in a Christian household. My grandparents were believers, but we never went to church, read the bible, prayed, or even really spoke about the beliefs that should have been guiding the daily operations of the house. Neither of my parents were serious believers until much later in their lives. I can honestly say that I didn’t know anything about church until I had the opportunity to actually attend one. I had gone to vacation bible school a few times growing up, but I viewed it as a break from the normal monotony of summer and the lessons never made any sense to me.

Without a solid home structure with people I could and did trust to be examples for me and answer any questions I had, I essentially grew up alone in a secular world with vaguely religious undertones mixed in. To be fair, it wasn’t that I was abandoned. My family simply didn’t know that I needed help and I didn’t know how to tell them. Being constantly bounced between homes with varying degrees of stability and no common theme or single stable person in the mix, I had trust issues that didn’t let me reach out. I had come to understand that asking a person for help would lead to disappointment because the advice that person gave would only cause me trouble in the next house I was in.

This isn’t to cast blame, point fingers, or seek sympathy for how I grew up. No, this is just context for what’s on my mind today.

How do we heal from trauma? How do we move on from what happened? How do we learn to trust again?

Understanding why something happened is far more complicated than just looking for the motivations of the actors involved. A full understanding of why something happened is something that only God is capable of. However, we can still come to a place of peace with the events in our lives through an understanding of who God is and His plans for us.

Romans 8:28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.(ESV)

Only God knows the full effects of any given action. Only God knows how far the ripples will go when the stone is thrown into the pond. He has already taken it all into account and nothing is wasted in this life. Every event has a purpose. We have to understand and accept the idea that some things happen to us as a consequence of our own decisions. Likewise, we have to understand and accept that there will be things that happen that we had no control over or part in. The things that happen to us may be the results of decisions made by other people, and conversely, we may never see the consequences of our actions.

In this chaos, there is a high likelihood that we will get hurt along the way. Healing from that often begins with trusting that God is in control. He is sovereign over all things. Nothing happens that He is not aware of. With this truth in mind…

Philippians 4:6-7 (6)do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. (7)And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.(ESV)

Give it all to God in prayer, then seek wisdom, understanding, and ultimately healing.

Hebrews 4:12 For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.(ESV)

If we believe that God knows all and is truly in control then we also have to believe that He can show us the purpose He has woven into existence itself. How we interpret events changes with different perspectives. Those areas where we rigidly hang onto our own understanding of how things should be are going to be the areas where we are most likely to get hurt or hurt others. This is partly why we cannot and should not do life alone.

Galatians 6:2 Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.(ESV)

Relationship math: joy shared is multiplied, suffering shared is divided. Perhaps it’s an oversimplification of the process, but the illustration remains true at scale. Sharing our burden with a fellow believer can help to give us a new perspective on the situation. It can ease the pain simply by reminding us that we are not alone and that there are others who have been through what you are going through. This is a large step towards healing. It is also the perfect reminder that we are not meant to do life alone. Letting another carry our burden is also a great reminder that we are to put things down.

Ephesians 4:31-32 (31)Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. (32)Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.(ESV)

Forgiveness can be a huge part of healing. Holding on to the pain and anger doesn’t do anything to the other person. It only acts as an anchor that will prevent you from reaching your destination. Being anchored by the trauma of our past keeps up held firmly in that moment and won’t allow us to see the fruits of which we are capable. Forgive as you have been forgiven. Forgive and ask others for forgiveness for the wrongs you do.

Romans 12:2 Do not be conformed to this world,] but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.(ESV)

Healing involves being renewed. You can’t be new while holding onto the old. Put off the old self. This is a total transformation. This might take some time or it might happen in the blink of an eye. This just means that we need to be patient with the process while showing ourselves and others grace.

James 1:2-4 (2)Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, (3)for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. (4)And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.(ESV)

It’s ok to move on. This isn’t your final destination. It’s ok to let go. We were never meant to carry this baggage. It’s ok to break down and cry. We can only make it through with strength not our own. It’s ok to not feel good enough for a moment. None of us are perfect. It’s ok to make mistakes. Own them.

We are the body of Christ. We are a family with bonds stronger than anything else known in the natural world. We all know that struggles and trials will happen. We will all need time to heal and rest at some point in our lives. We give it over to God. We turn to each other in love and with grace. We should not be ashamed to ask for help, especially professional help, because none of us is complete on our own.

Things that I’m actively working on even with regular setbacks:
1. My marriage. I want to be a better husband to my amazing wife. God blessed me with an amazing partner in crime who has kept life interesting for nearly twenty years, and I know that I have a lot of work to do to be the kind of guy she deserves.
2. My children. I want to be a better father to my kids. I want to be more supportive. I want to be more engaged. I want to be more present in their lives. I want to show them my Father’s love and pray blessings over them in their lives.
3. My finances. The economy sucks, but even if it didn’t it’s obvious that there are places where I could be a better steward with what I’ve been blessed with.
4. My health. I’ve been healed through what can only be described as a true God given miracle. I want to honor God with a properly functioning and well maintained holy temple. Garbage in, garbage out. Food has long been such a large part of my life through periods of famine that left a life controlling craving for more food.

I’m a work in progress. These aren’t areas that I’m complaining about, but, rather, places where I’m happy to say that God is working in my life. These are the areas where I see my biggest struggles and greatest blessings. I’m looking forward to seeing what God does next.

Where do you struggle? Where has God blessed you through these struggles? Reflect on that and thank God today for the things that have brought to here today.