Walking With Christ

Romans 7:15 (15)For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.(ESV)

I recommend reading through verse 25 for more context. Paul struggled with this himself.

I am my own worst enemy. I’m sure that everyone can say the same thing now and then. This struggle is so common. It’s almost like breathing. My rebellious nature was fostered quite a lot growing up. I had boundaries. They were given to me as a matter of convenience for those taking care of me rather than as guidelines of safety given in love. I was always told that I couldn’t do this or that or that I would never be able to do this or that. Those things became an obsession for me. I would do them just to prove people wrong. I took it as a personal challenge.

I always felt that I was told I couldn’t do something because the person setting that boundary wanted me to live within their comfortable box. I felt cramped and constrained. This created a thought pattern in me that still haunts me today. Anytime I hear “don’t do this or that” I would think “that’s your boundary, not mine”.

Unfortunately, my sin is much the same way. “Thou shalt not” is always answered by “wanna bet”. For years, I chased those impulses. It wasn’t until I began to understand the why behind “Thou shalt not” that I even knew that I could fight against that desire. It wasn’t until I saw the truth of love behind those boundaries that I turned.

That change in direction brought a change in perspective as well. I never had anyone show me why those boundaries existed and what the choice to go beyond them meant. I never had anyone tell me that they loved me enough to hold me back from the edge. It wasn’t until God showed me that He loved me enough for Jesus to die on the cross for me that I saw them for the loving guidelines that they really are.

This battle between flesh and spirit causes a great deal of inner turmoil and self-doubt. The stress it can cause has real physical impact on our lives. Anxiety and depression are opposite sides of the equation. The anxiety or fear of what might be to come such a failure or awkward encounters. The depression of failure or the loss of hope with no plan for the future. Both can exist at the same time. The battle between these two can be brutal.

His grace is sufficient (2 Corinthians 12:9) for those times when we fall short and we are meant to rest while we wait on the Lord to work when we are waiting (Psalm 37:7, Philippians 4:6-7). Know that we are not alone. He is with us always, but He has also sent us family (Galatians 6:2).

Always remember to reach our for our Father then the rest of our family. We each should have those around us who will lift us up in prayer and even stand in the gap when we can’t.